The Sun Also Rises

Even if I could find the words... they probably wouldn't be this good.
I give you James Palmer Hallock:

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Not really sure what to say, or what to do. All I know is that the
Giants played at another level last night, and the Patriots weren't
prepared to compete at that level. In a sense, we got out-Belichicked
by Tom Coughlin and that Defensive Line. The offensive line was
completely overmatched, and weren't focused. Justin Tuck dominated
Logan Mankins, who is probably one of the top 2 left guards in the
game. From the start, you could see it happening - the chips were
falling into place for the Giants. Four 3rd down conversions on the
opening, 10-minute drive. The back of the endzone interception that
Hobbs just missed. The fumble that Bradshaw somehow stole away from
Pierre Woods. The Thomas sack, followed by the Bradshaw penalty that
somehow kept the ball away from the Pats. Randall Gay's injury.
Kevin Faulk's injury. Tom Brady clearly not at 100%. The sacks. The
errant passes. The overwhelming arrogance that we could just send Tom
into 5 and 7-step drops and that he'd find the open receiver. The
poor use of the run. Going for it on 4th and 13 from the 31-yard
line, when you just tried to hit a deep pass on 3rd down instead of
trying to get a small chunk of yards to make it either A) a better
field goal chance or B) a better 4th down opportunity. The trash
talking, inviting the Giants to our postgame parties and telling them
that they should get ready to go home. Asante's near miss
interception. Meriweather's near miss interception. The ALMOST sack.
Tyree's catch (how did he hold on to that ball?). Burress wide open
in the end zone - why was he in single coverage on an OBVIOUS slant &
go? There it is. It's all there. Read it. Digest it. Be pissed.
Be disappointed. Be upset. You've tasted it. It was right
there...dripping from the bottle onto your tongue for a 6th time in 6
years. And it was snatched away.

Now, get up and pull yourself together. Because we will be back. And
we might not ever see 18-0 again and you know what? I don't want to.
I want to see 11-5. I want to see adversity, fear, losing. I want to
see playoff games that are up for grabs. I want to come from behind
and kick Peyton's ass. Watching his face, torn & broken as he and the
heavily favored Colts throw that final interception to seal their
fate.

I want to see 100 wins. I want to see tight games with the Yankees in
the regular season, fans hanging on every pitch. I want to see the
new generation of our great rivalry - Ellsbury, Hughes, Buchholz,
Chamberlain, Lester. I want to see the ALCS in Boston & New York. I
want to piss my pants when Rivera comes out of the bullpen and we need
to score a run to send it to extras to keep us alive.

I want to see Banner # 17. I want to see KG lift this basketball town
to heights it hasn't known since the mid-80s. I want to see the
Pistons take us to the wire, night in and night out. Emotionally
drained. Leaving it all out on the floor. For Red. For DJ. I want
to face the Spurs in the finals. I want to go down 2-0 and come back
to Boston weary, but hungry. I want to shock the World - Worst to
First.

I want to be scared again. Not of losing, but of never reaching the
plateau of greatness. All this arrogance. All this "Titletown" crap.
There's no room for it. It doesn't taste as sweet as it does when
you leave it all out there. When you fight for respect. When you
fight for what is yours. Like the Giants did.

I for one am spent after this season and I'm glad it's over. Pitchers
and catchers in 10 days. I just hope we don't start the season on a
winning streak.

I Make You Believe

A guest blog by my sister, Emily:


having an eating disorder comes with some incredible talents. part of being sick is being proud of these talents that are really nothing to brag about. it's an amazing thing to watch your blood pressure drop, to have a successful 48 hour water fast, and (of course) to get away with it all.

the lies are what keep the disorder alive. if we're caught, it's over...at least until we get back on track. there's practically a handbook of answers for any question that gets thrown our way, and we're required to memorize them if we want to hang on. we lie to our parents about having plans to eat out with friends; we lie to our friends about already having eaten at home. we avoid eye-contact while we convince our doctors we've eaten 100% of our meal plans and stayed consistent with meds. we've mastered water-loading so the number they see on the scale is higher than our true nose-diving weight. and each time you're fooled, we come a little closer to winning.

it's a sick and twisted routine that we can't help. the eating disorder has a voice screaming at us 24/7 and we have no choice but to obey. it's loud and it owns us. you don't hear ED patients often talk about this voice because people don't understand. we don't want to be confused with schizophrenics. it's different, but it's hard to have "outsiders" understand what it sounds like, and it's hard for us to know we shouldn't acknowledge it because the voice sounds immensely like our own.

then, one day in treatment, after days of fighting and crying during meals, there's another voice. "shut the hell up. i have to eat this meal." and you do. and that ED voice hisses louder, but every time you tell it to fuck off, it's forced to loosen it's grip a tiny bit more. over time, that healthy voice becomes the dominant voice and eventually, there's that light at the end of the tunnel. the voice from hell is dying and that, my disordered friends, is the real win.

now, for those of you that have been blessed with "normal" eating habits, this is an extremely brief and rapid version of this process. the biggest part i have left out of the process was learning that that voice isn't ours and that it's lying to us. just because cream in our 10am coffee adds another 55 calories does not mean we'll suddenly put on another 10 lbs and we probably shouldn't eat again until our morning coffee tomorrow. that not only takes a long time to learn, but it takes a long time to want to learn. we control this. that's what it's all about.

the tie in here is that i no longer hear that voice. that voice officially died about a month and a half ago - maybe a little further back. but it was in my head and it made me lie for my life to everyone that meant anything to me. so how do people know it's gone, especially when they didn't know it was there to begin with? how do people know they can trust me again? how does a pathological liar prove that they're done lying? especially when my body's giving me such a hassle with weight-gain.

the intelligent doctors know that maintenance weight doesn't mean the eating disorder's gone, but it's also said that "body image is the last to go." clearly, it's not the same for everyone, just like eating disorders effect everyone in different ways. i have no body image problems, i am doing just fine dealing with my mentality without restriction, but my body's so used to being emaciated that it wants to get down there. and i keep fighting and stuffing...and my doctors keep wondering what's wrong. i feel like they're not completely understanding how detached from AN i really am, despite the fact that i am, by dictionary definition, still anorectic. i just need to push past that 85% mark.

all i can tell them (and everyone) is that i'm done lying. it creates toxicity that i've padded my life with for far too long. it's not saving me from anything. it's not worth losing trust over and i'm tired of being babysat because my staff can't trust anyone with an eating disorder.

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For more, go to: http://emsr.blogspot.com/

Midterm elections

Time for another installment of "Guest Blog." One of my dearest friends, Crissy Delaney, never writes about politics, just like me. But we both did within hours of each other. Crissy's entry touches on the same themes as my last blog, except far more "poet's lament" than "curmudgeon's rant."

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I am not in the habit of writing blogs that have correct punctuation, grammatical structure, or a coherent political point. Today, simply because it is the day after the midterm elections, will be an exception.

In my humble opinion this election was run extremely poorly. Neither side seemed to offer any coherent platform of ideas or general principles on which it would model its ensuing policies. Instead, there was petty back-and-forth name calling and shaming. Has our political system been reduced to a he-said-she-said argument? I ache for an election of ideas. We desperately need policies based on facts, truthful assessments, critical thinking, moderation, and creativity.
Our country is at a very precarious stage and needs clarity of purpose.

The lack of a coherent platform led the Democrats to a negative victory. Negative in the sense that it was clear most people voted against the Republicans and against Bush, not necessarily for the Democrats. This in no way provides the Democrats with any type of moral, political, or intellectual mandate. They struggle to make sense of their own party and carry the critical issues (war, education, the scope of presidential prerogative, the treatment of prisoners, international relations, security, the economy, the competence of the judiciary, the list goes on and on…) into the unknown.

I have grown weary of this nation without purpose. It is as if every political and social issue is decided on an ad hoc basis, without recourse to any fundamental principles or values that the nation can generally agree on. The United States seems to be in a severe identity crisis. With each new issue there is a new battle for the meaning of the country itself.

As I sit here, disagreeing with many of my peers on current events and politics in general, I am wondering what it truly means to be from the United States. When discussing minority rights today a professor of mine quoted a scholar who said (paraphrased) that the only thing common among women of the world is that some of them, at some point in their lives, may give birth to a child.

Does our nationality unite us more than that? Is being "American" just saying that some of us, at some point in our lives, have lived on United States soil?

Is there nothing more we can build upon?

I look to the Constitution, I look to the Declaration of Independence, I look to the Federalist Papers, I look to the engraving on the Statue of Liberty, I look to the Civil War, I look to the writings of the Civil Rights Movement, I look to Beat Poetry, I look to decades of photojournalism, I look to American art, I look to the atomic bomb, I look to our movies and our songs, I look to our literature, I look to the history books, I look to the NY Times, I look I look I look I look I look

in search of a purpose to unite.

This election has tarnished the quality of our democratic system. It was fought as if it were a team sport…cheerleaders, drunks, overzealous fans and all. I await, in hopeful anticipation, change.

"America the plum blossoms are falling."- (Allen Ginsberg)

No horse for Jayme

As you all know, I avoid voicing my political preferences on the Internet and have always encouraged you to do the same for many reasons. For this post, I'll break that rule ever so slightly in order to express my disdain with the grand illusion of democracy we call "the Presidential Election."

Bill Richardson for President.

Those 4 words charged me up for 2008 more than any others (besides "Johan Santana trade rumors..."). I believe in his diverse and worldly experience. I believe he's most equipped to lead an empirical debate on illegal immigration and the future our nation's workforce and education structure. I believe he's leading a state into the 21st century that is so rooted in old-style thinking, it allowed cockfighting until last summer (Mississippi is the final safe haven for enjoying this savage ritual).

But I'm not writing this as a Richardson supporter, but rather as a member of the 10-15% of Americans who has lost his Horse. Who's to blame? The Media? The voters? Bill Richardson? I don't think we can accurately answer this question without first eliminating the most obvious variable in campaign politics: money.

I understand that fundraising is, in its own right, a fair resume booster; it displays a candidate's ability to network, inspire, and surround yourself with competent people. But if you have $10, $20, $50 million more than your opponent, that money can buy more time to fend off attacks, explain one of your more complicated agenda items while your opponents' remain... complicated in the public view, or ram one of your simple stances down everyone's throat 10, 20, 50 times more (I hope that you hope that someday we can all hope for hope in this hopeful land of hope).

With no caps on private campaign spending to give each candidate a more equal-sized microphone and less time to woo voters with each state moving up its primaries, candidates only have to win over the media, which represents what? 0.6% of the American population? (If anyone has the real stat, please post it; I wanna know). It doesn't matter that no one trusts the media. These are the people that pick the soundbites you judge, that decide what commercial clips in Iowa will be broadcast over a 24-hour period on national cable. They decide. To some extent, they always will. And believe it or not, I don't hold it against them (we have to get our news somehow). But their insane level of influence only proves to me how important it is that we eliminate other variables like campaign spending. Give each viable candidate a similar-sized microphone. If it lets a few "I with free so-and-so from prison" crazies in just so the Bill Richardsons can finally be heard, I'm all for it.

Unfortunately, that's up to the very people that benefit from exuberant fundraising. So I guess we're all fucked... unless, of course, you truly believe in one of the "Top 7."

Well I don't. So I've sentenced myself to reading up on the remaining bobbleheads and deciding which one seems least likely to sign a law I wouldn't like. What an inspiring commercial THAT would make:

"Hi, I'm Secretary of State Bill Galvin, reminding you that this election includes some people that might... sign a law... that you think is, like, really bad n stuff. So uh... please vote."

*sigh*