I was cleaning through every single paper I've compiled in the past 2 years yesterday. The "Trash" pile was much higher than the "Keep" pile. Then I came across a red binder. I had no idea what was inside. Opening it, I found line graphs I made to monitor my blood-sugar and a dozen pages itemizing every hour of exercise and piece of food I ate for 3 months... the scariest, most frustrating 3 months of my life.
If you're just joining us, I'm a Type-I diabetic. Doctors say my pancreas may have started suckin up 9 years back (for all you fellow Rangers, NOW we know why I graduated high school at 5'7" 109 lbs.). But it didn't catch up to me symptom-wise until November 2005. Since control is my source of comfort, I started that red binder the day I met my nutritionist. It's incredible looking back at that line graph start at 300 mg/dl... down to 65... 278... 110... 407... 205... and within 2 months settling into the 80-140 range until eventually, the markings stop mid-page. And the food diary goes from detailing every slice of cheese and every cracker to types of food... to round estimates of carbs... to checkmarks... and then stop. Mid-page.
And the binder closed. For 15 months. Out of sight. Out of mind. Until yesterday. As I scanned that line graph from left to right, emotions pop up as clear and distinct as the dots on the page. Blue means frustration. Red means panic. Green depends on the day. It's a sigh of relief. Or an eye-roll as I figure the next dot will be blue. Or confusion because I feel "red" but the number came out right.
If this isn't making much sense to you, it didn't make any sense to me. And all that confusion, all that patience... up to my triumphant final checkmark... it's all bound in that red binder. And I'd forgotten all about it... a testament itself to my successful journey back to Control.
There was never a sense of hopelessness. People ask me what diabetes is like. It's like driving a car. Most people drive automatics. They eat what they want and hit the gas. The car knows what shift to drive in. I've switched over to manual. The car can't do it on its own. You have to learn the clutch. Those who can't manage could stall out. But those who can usually get better gas-mileage. They have a greater respect for their cars and treat them right. Everyday. Every time they hit the road.
You all see Jayme, Freggin' Awesome Driver Dude. But everyone has to back into the lightpole in the high school parking lot a few times first. My dents and scratches are all there in my red binder.
One more for the "Keep" pile.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Roger, Over and Out
Take me out to the ballgame... take me out to the We interrupt this rousing rendition of drunk N'Yorkahs to inform you Jayme has returned to blogging about the Yankees.
But it may not be the blog you Dieha'ds are expecting.
Yes, Rocket Roger Clemens, the most dominate pitcher of my generation, is a New York Yankee... again.
It's true, they're paying him 28 million dollars for 5 months' work.
Yeah, this means that the Yankees starting rotation has made like a starfish and grown back 4 decent arms (Rocket, Wang, Moose and Petitte) in the past 2 weeks, giving them a shot at... let's face it, the Wildcard.
That's right. The Red Sox are winning the AL East. If anyone in the Nation doubts that, snap out of it (and if any of you Yank-rooters doubt that, you can tell it to my own personal Rocket). Seriously... the Sox pitching staff is disgusting. Schilling is throwing heat, Wake's knuckler is floating like it did when he first came over from Shitsburgh and even Dice-K's getting time to perfect his gyro-curve while a potent Sox offense forgives him for the 5.45 era he's rollin right now. Oh I almost forgot, Josh Beckett is so hot this spring, he could win the teddy bear at the bottom of the crane machine... with one quahdah!
As for the Shankees... enjoy 5-6 innings of promising heat from 4 injury-prone starters. Because that call to the bullpen is brought to you by Ambien-CR. One relief pitcher dissolves your lead quickly, so you completely forget you had one. The next two fill the bases slowly, so you have time to enjoy the sound of Babe Ruth rolling in his grave. To date, that bullpen has an ERA of 4.32 (Mariano "The Greatest Closer in Baseball History" Rivera's is close to 9). To translate, the Yankee firemen can't put out a match if you spot 'em a tailwind.
Feel better? Good. Moving on to the ETHICS of Roger Clemens' resurrection.
That's right, ethics. The talking heads on ESPN's Baseball Tonight are up in arms over Roger joining a team for one-plus million dollars a START with the option of flying out of NYC after each one to play with his kids. And as much as I'd love to jump on the hatewagon and call out New York for allowing this mid-life self-anointed savior to skip out on his teammates in the heart of a pennant race (assuming they're in it)... I can't.
Guess what Buster Olney... baseball is a business. A private business that plays by the same two rules as any other. Supply. And demand. Roger's no jackass; he's a damn fine capitalist. Some Yankee fans might boo (which I doubt). But they'll still buy tickets to come cheer his victories. Wal-Marts are still thriving because people are still shopping in them. And Yankee Stadium will continue to fill as long they put 10 all-stars on the field everyday. Love 'em, hate 'em, or truly f-in despise 'em... baseball is a business. And no one reminds us of that more often than the Damn Yankees.
Personally, I can't wait to beat The Rocket en route to our 12th pennant.
Go Sox.
One for the Pinky
Hiya folks,
Time to take a breather from reading my political analyses (Umm.. Jayme, we stopped reading those after the 2nd paragraph) I've had time to fully digest the double-shot of signing news that has utterly rocked the Boston Sports World. If you can't tell the title of this blog, I'm leading off with the newest Member of the Militia... Randy Moss. My next blog takes us to the Hated House. But for now: Over the past week, I've received lots of questions from y'all:
1. Did the Patriots offer to pay Randy's upcoming bail bonds?
2. Will Tom Brady play Officer Krupkee between Moss and Brandon Meriweather?
3. How does it feel to root for the New England Yankees?
4. Why haven't you blogged about this yet?
Well, I'm actually not going to. Ladies and gentlemen, I present you my 2nd GUEST BLOG, by my Blog-Hero and ESPN's own Bill Simmons. Everything I've thought about this, he said better. Enjoy. (And to my fellow Patriots and Patriettes... yeah... enjoy).
* * * * * *
APRIL 30, 2007
If Bill Belichick arrived at practice in a Ferrari Enzo one day, everyone would assume the Patriots coach was battling a severe midlife crisis. But seeing him trade a fourth-rounder for Randy Moss? Nobody knows how to react. Every Patriots fan I know was legitimately speechless after the trade. We'd heard the rumors for weeks but never believed this thing would, you know, happen.
Maybe Moss isn't a brand-new Enzo, but he's definitely a Ferrari -- one of those with about 75,000 miles on it that you'd buy from a rapper who's going bankrupt. You're not exactly sure what condition it's in. It might be more trouble than it's worth. You have to keep it covered almost all the time. The parts are expensive. At the same time, it's a Ferrari and you're getting it at a discount, right? If you have the money and you always wanted a car like that, you have to make the deal.
The case against a Moss trade: He's a potential cancer on a team that's always thrived on chemistry and character. He's a deep threat with hall of fame skills playing for a franchise that historically has terrible luck with deep threats with hall of fame skills. He's a polarizing African-American athlete playing in a city that usually has trouble being fair to polarizing African-American athletes. Everyone agrees that he lost a step over the past two seasons, although he may have just lost the will to live with Kerry Collins, Art Shell, Aaron Brooks and Norv Turner in his life. If he starts out slow, you can count on the MAWBM (Middle-Age White Boston Sports Media) ripping him to shreds at every turn. (To nobody's surprise, Dan Shaughnessy started early.) On paper, there hasn't been a Boston-related disaster this predictable since the Big Dig planners decided the tunnel would go right under the North End.
The case for a Moss trade: They only sacrificed a second-day pick for him and could cut the cord at the first hint of trouble. The team looks so loaded, they could probably win a fourth Super Bowl with or without him. (I'm even getting, "Congratulations, you guys are the new Yankees" e-mails, which is funny because there's a salary cap in football.) Going from Collins/Brooks and Turner/Shell to Brady/Belichick, it's hard to imagine a better candidate for the Juvenation Machine in recent sports history, especially if Moss reins himself in like Dennis Rodman did in Chicago. For football purposes, he's the ultimate luxury -- a home run threat at an expendable position, a potential gamebreaker who makes the 2007 Patriots effectively unbeatable. You could even say he's a 2004 Ferrari Enzo with 90,000 miles on it.
Five years ago, I don't think Bill Belichick makes a move like this. I really don't. So that leaves five possible explanations why it happened now.
Explanation No. 1: You could almost picture Tom Brady heading into the coach's office after last season and saying, "Um, I don't know if you realize this, but I turn 30 this season. You just wasted a year of my prime. I'm never getting it back. I took a little less to stay here, you promised to build a quality team around me, then you traded Deion Branch and stuck me with Reche Caldwell as my No. 1, so my season came down to a third-down play where I crossed signals with a 38-year-old guy who should have been coaching our receivers instead of trying to get open on THE BIGGEST EFFING PLAY OF THE SEASON!!!!!!!!!!!!! COULD YOU GET ME SOME HELP PLEASE! THERE'S A CHANCE MY EX-GIRLFRIEND PULLED THE GOALIE ON ME THIS WINTER, COULD YOU THROW ME ONE EFFING BONE HERE! JUST ONE! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK???"
This offseason has felt like a prolonged apology to Brady. Here, you wanted a real slot guy, right? We just traded for Wes Welker. You wanted a deep threat, right? How's Donte' Stallworth sound? You wanted a potential gamebreaker, right? How's Randy Moss sound? The only thing Belichick didn't do was to convince ABC to cancel "Six Degrees."
Explanation No. 2: This entire weekend was Belichick's "I'm Keith Hernandez!" moment. On the heels of the NFL instituting new character policies, Belichick drafted one of the most notorious players in the draft (Miami safety Brandon Meriweather) and traded for one of the most notorious players in the league (Moss). It's almost as if he decided, "I already won three titles with the three C's (character, coaching and chemistry) -- just for fun, I want to try to win one with a couple of lunatics. I'm Bill Belichick! I won three Super Bowls in four years! If anyone can pull this off, it's me, baby!
Explanation No. 3: Belichick believes the leadership and character on this season's team is solid enough that they can take chances on two shaky guys, almost like the family from "Seventh Heaven" deciding to adopt two troubled foster kids and turn their lives around. He did it with Corey Dillon a few years ago; now he's doing it with Moss and Meriweather. And if they end up winning the Super Bowl, he needs to raise the degree of difficulty bar by leaving the Patriots, taking over the Bengals and immediately trading for Terrell Owens.
Full disclosure: For years and years, I've been writing that any team can survive with one head case as long as it doesn't give him another head case to hang out with. For instance, Stephen Jackson is thriving as the Token Head Case in Golden State right now, just like Ron Artest thrived in Indiana for a couple years under that same role. You can always get away with one. But when Jackson and Artest landed on the same team? We ended up with the ugliest sports brawl in three decades. I'm not saying this will happen with Moss and Meriweather on the Patriots. At the same time, it's probably a good idea if they're not allowed to meet, interact or even use adjoining urinals at the same time.
(Please note that I was excited for the Meriweather selection when it happened, if only for my dad's verbatim defense of the pick: "Well, the stomping thing was pretty bad, but he did have a license for the gun." He was dead serious. The NFL draft ... it's FANNNNNNNNNN-tastic!)
Explanation No. 4: Just for the hell of it, Belichick decided to build this season's Patriots offense the same way I doctor my "Madden" roster every August by making as many shady Patriots-related trades as possible. I swear, I would have ended up making all three of those moves in four months, even if they hadn't happened.
I wonder if Miami will be dumb enough to trade me Wes Welker for a second-round pick? (Pause.) Wait ... the Dolphins agreed to the deal?
I wonder if Donte' Stallworth's agent will be dumb enough to sign a multi-year deal in which only the first year is guaranteed. (Pause.) Wait ... he said yes?
I wonder if the Raiders will accept a fourth rounder for Moss. Screw it, I'll make the offer. (Pause.) Wait, I just got Randy Moss?
You have to admit, at the very least, we have the greatest "Madden" offense in Patriots history: Brady, Maroney, Watson, Moss, Stallworth, Welker, Caldwell, Gaffney, Brown. I mean ... are you kidding me? Can I run a seven-receiver offense next year? Is that legal?
Explanation No. 5: Belichick really did have a midlife crisis ... but instead of buying a fancy sports car, he went out and traded for Randy Moss. Maybe the coach knew he didn't really need a sports car, knew the car might remain in the garage for long periods of time, knew his friends might make fun of him, knew his insurance might skyrocket, knew he'd probably regret it in the end ... and you know what? He did it, anyway.
"Screw it," he probably said to himself. "I've always wanted to drive one of those things."
So if this was true, it's safe to say that Patriots fans were like kids playing in the front yard when that 2004 Ferrari Enzo pulled into the driveway, followed by our midlife-crisis-suffering father climbing out of the driver's seat as the doors shot straight up into the air. We're walking around the car in shock. We don't know what to think. It's quite possible that dad just lost his mind.
And yet, we can't stop thinking about one thing ...
That's a pretty cool car, isn't it?
* * * * * *
http://sports.espn.go.com/keyword/search?searchString=bill_simmons
oh, and my pal Fitzy had this to say about Moss:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wofqt7dHsBg
Time to take a breather from reading my political analyses (Umm.. Jayme, we stopped reading those after the 2nd paragraph) I've had time to fully digest the double-shot of signing news that has utterly rocked the Boston Sports World. If you can't tell the title of this blog, I'm leading off with the newest Member of the Militia... Randy Moss. My next blog takes us to the Hated House. But for now: Over the past week, I've received lots of questions from y'all:
1. Did the Patriots offer to pay Randy's upcoming bail bonds?
2. Will Tom Brady play Officer Krupkee between Moss and Brandon Meriweather?
3. How does it feel to root for the New England Yankees?
4. Why haven't you blogged about this yet?
Well, I'm actually not going to. Ladies and gentlemen, I present you my 2nd GUEST BLOG, by my Blog-Hero and ESPN's own Bill Simmons. Everything I've thought about this, he said better. Enjoy. (And to my fellow Patriots and Patriettes... yeah... enjoy).
* * * * * *
APRIL 30, 2007
If Bill Belichick arrived at practice in a Ferrari Enzo one day, everyone would assume the Patriots coach was battling a severe midlife crisis. But seeing him trade a fourth-rounder for Randy Moss? Nobody knows how to react. Every Patriots fan I know was legitimately speechless after the trade. We'd heard the rumors for weeks but never believed this thing would, you know, happen.
Maybe Moss isn't a brand-new Enzo, but he's definitely a Ferrari -- one of those with about 75,000 miles on it that you'd buy from a rapper who's going bankrupt. You're not exactly sure what condition it's in. It might be more trouble than it's worth. You have to keep it covered almost all the time. The parts are expensive. At the same time, it's a Ferrari and you're getting it at a discount, right? If you have the money and you always wanted a car like that, you have to make the deal.
The case against a Moss trade: He's a potential cancer on a team that's always thrived on chemistry and character. He's a deep threat with hall of fame skills playing for a franchise that historically has terrible luck with deep threats with hall of fame skills. He's a polarizing African-American athlete playing in a city that usually has trouble being fair to polarizing African-American athletes. Everyone agrees that he lost a step over the past two seasons, although he may have just lost the will to live with Kerry Collins, Art Shell, Aaron Brooks and Norv Turner in his life. If he starts out slow, you can count on the MAWBM (Middle-Age White Boston Sports Media) ripping him to shreds at every turn. (To nobody's surprise, Dan Shaughnessy started early.) On paper, there hasn't been a Boston-related disaster this predictable since the Big Dig planners decided the tunnel would go right under the North End.
The case for a Moss trade: They only sacrificed a second-day pick for him and could cut the cord at the first hint of trouble. The team looks so loaded, they could probably win a fourth Super Bowl with or without him. (I'm even getting, "Congratulations, you guys are the new Yankees" e-mails, which is funny because there's a salary cap in football.) Going from Collins/Brooks and Turner/Shell to Brady/Belichick, it's hard to imagine a better candidate for the Juvenation Machine in recent sports history, especially if Moss reins himself in like Dennis Rodman did in Chicago. For football purposes, he's the ultimate luxury -- a home run threat at an expendable position, a potential gamebreaker who makes the 2007 Patriots effectively unbeatable. You could even say he's a 2004 Ferrari Enzo with 90,000 miles on it.
Five years ago, I don't think Bill Belichick makes a move like this. I really don't. So that leaves five possible explanations why it happened now.
Explanation No. 1: You could almost picture Tom Brady heading into the coach's office after last season and saying, "Um, I don't know if you realize this, but I turn 30 this season. You just wasted a year of my prime. I'm never getting it back. I took a little less to stay here, you promised to build a quality team around me, then you traded Deion Branch and stuck me with Reche Caldwell as my No. 1, so my season came down to a third-down play where I crossed signals with a 38-year-old guy who should have been coaching our receivers instead of trying to get open on THE BIGGEST EFFING PLAY OF THE SEASON!!!!!!!!!!!!! COULD YOU GET ME SOME HELP PLEASE! THERE'S A CHANCE MY EX-GIRLFRIEND PULLED THE GOALIE ON ME THIS WINTER, COULD YOU THROW ME ONE EFFING BONE HERE! JUST ONE! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK???"
This offseason has felt like a prolonged apology to Brady. Here, you wanted a real slot guy, right? We just traded for Wes Welker. You wanted a deep threat, right? How's Donte' Stallworth sound? You wanted a potential gamebreaker, right? How's Randy Moss sound? The only thing Belichick didn't do was to convince ABC to cancel "Six Degrees."
Explanation No. 2: This entire weekend was Belichick's "I'm Keith Hernandez!" moment. On the heels of the NFL instituting new character policies, Belichick drafted one of the most notorious players in the draft (Miami safety Brandon Meriweather) and traded for one of the most notorious players in the league (Moss). It's almost as if he decided, "I already won three titles with the three C's (character, coaching and chemistry) -- just for fun, I want to try to win one with a couple of lunatics. I'm Bill Belichick! I won three Super Bowls in four years! If anyone can pull this off, it's me, baby!
Explanation No. 3: Belichick believes the leadership and character on this season's team is solid enough that they can take chances on two shaky guys, almost like the family from "Seventh Heaven" deciding to adopt two troubled foster kids and turn their lives around. He did it with Corey Dillon a few years ago; now he's doing it with Moss and Meriweather. And if they end up winning the Super Bowl, he needs to raise the degree of difficulty bar by leaving the Patriots, taking over the Bengals and immediately trading for Terrell Owens.
Full disclosure: For years and years, I've been writing that any team can survive with one head case as long as it doesn't give him another head case to hang out with. For instance, Stephen Jackson is thriving as the Token Head Case in Golden State right now, just like Ron Artest thrived in Indiana for a couple years under that same role. You can always get away with one. But when Jackson and Artest landed on the same team? We ended up with the ugliest sports brawl in three decades. I'm not saying this will happen with Moss and Meriweather on the Patriots. At the same time, it's probably a good idea if they're not allowed to meet, interact or even use adjoining urinals at the same time.
(Please note that I was excited for the Meriweather selection when it happened, if only for my dad's verbatim defense of the pick: "Well, the stomping thing was pretty bad, but he did have a license for the gun." He was dead serious. The NFL draft ... it's FANNNNNNNNNN-tastic!)
Explanation No. 4: Just for the hell of it, Belichick decided to build this season's Patriots offense the same way I doctor my "Madden" roster every August by making as many shady Patriots-related trades as possible. I swear, I would have ended up making all three of those moves in four months, even if they hadn't happened.
I wonder if Miami will be dumb enough to trade me Wes Welker for a second-round pick? (Pause.) Wait ... the Dolphins agreed to the deal?
I wonder if Donte' Stallworth's agent will be dumb enough to sign a multi-year deal in which only the first year is guaranteed. (Pause.) Wait ... he said yes?
I wonder if the Raiders will accept a fourth rounder for Moss. Screw it, I'll make the offer. (Pause.) Wait, I just got Randy Moss?
You have to admit, at the very least, we have the greatest "Madden" offense in Patriots history: Brady, Maroney, Watson, Moss, Stallworth, Welker, Caldwell, Gaffney, Brown. I mean ... are you kidding me? Can I run a seven-receiver offense next year? Is that legal?
Explanation No. 5: Belichick really did have a midlife crisis ... but instead of buying a fancy sports car, he went out and traded for Randy Moss. Maybe the coach knew he didn't really need a sports car, knew the car might remain in the garage for long periods of time, knew his friends might make fun of him, knew his insurance might skyrocket, knew he'd probably regret it in the end ... and you know what? He did it, anyway.
"Screw it," he probably said to himself. "I've always wanted to drive one of those things."
So if this was true, it's safe to say that Patriots fans were like kids playing in the front yard when that 2004 Ferrari Enzo pulled into the driveway, followed by our midlife-crisis-suffering father climbing out of the driver's seat as the doors shot straight up into the air. We're walking around the car in shock. We don't know what to think. It's quite possible that dad just lost his mind.
And yet, we can't stop thinking about one thing ...
That's a pretty cool car, isn't it?
* * * * * *
http://sports.espn.go.com/keyword/search?searchString=bill_simmons
oh, and my pal Fitzy had this to say about Moss:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wofqt7dHsBg
Friday, May 4, 2007
...In Peace
"Gary, it began as a tragedy. Dragged on for nearly 4 years as a mystery. And finally today, the family and friends of [murdered NMSU student] Katie Sepich faced her killer for the first time and asked that he live and die in prison."
* * *
I've covered stories of this nature before.
Sure, it's more high-profile than most. I've probably updated this saga more than any other. But I have a job to do. I'm human, sure. But a human with a notepad that better have accurate timecodes in it.
So what planted this incredibly rare... lump... in my throat?
It wasn't Katie's mother asking "Did she want me? Did she want her daddy? While you were squeezing the life out of her? Hurting her?"
It wasn't Katie's roommate telling us "the world is less better off not getting to know all the wonderful things she would have become."
It was before that. It was seeing what she could have become. It was seeing it in a dear friend of mine, a dearer friend of hers sitting across the gallery. A person who embodies all the drive, humor and deep compassion Katie is said to have had. I wasn't searching for this analogy or a way to better relate to this unspeakable grief. You just... struck me as I watched you for a few seconds, staring straight ahead as the District Attorney read the cold, hard statement of facts. The thought of her striving to be what I think you have become stuck with me as I listened to Katie's mother. Her roommate. Her brother. Her father. My notepad weakened by that image, I was left strangely vulnerable to their words, wondering what kind of recoil it must cause to say them.
* * *
This was no more inhumane than other attacks I've covered. This killer is no more a killer than the others. But the usual suspects don't lead me face to face with the victim. Not a photograph, not a grieving relative. I consider that a strength and a necessary asset, given my professional duty: to introduce you all to the victim as best I can, not myself. But today, I saw her when I saw you. I apologize if that makes you uncomfortable. But know that I'm grateful.
* * *
May she rest in peace. May her family and friends rest a bit easier now that there is, at least, one less question.
* * *
http://kvia.com/Global/story.asp?S=6464820&nav=menu193_6
* * *
I've covered stories of this nature before.
Sure, it's more high-profile than most. I've probably updated this saga more than any other. But I have a job to do. I'm human, sure. But a human with a notepad that better have accurate timecodes in it.
So what planted this incredibly rare... lump... in my throat?
It wasn't Katie's mother asking "Did she want me? Did she want her daddy? While you were squeezing the life out of her? Hurting her?"
It wasn't Katie's roommate telling us "the world is less better off not getting to know all the wonderful things she would have become."
It was before that. It was seeing what she could have become. It was seeing it in a dear friend of mine, a dearer friend of hers sitting across the gallery. A person who embodies all the drive, humor and deep compassion Katie is said to have had. I wasn't searching for this analogy or a way to better relate to this unspeakable grief. You just... struck me as I watched you for a few seconds, staring straight ahead as the District Attorney read the cold, hard statement of facts. The thought of her striving to be what I think you have become stuck with me as I listened to Katie's mother. Her roommate. Her brother. Her father. My notepad weakened by that image, I was left strangely vulnerable to their words, wondering what kind of recoil it must cause to say them.
* * *
This was no more inhumane than other attacks I've covered. This killer is no more a killer than the others. But the usual suspects don't lead me face to face with the victim. Not a photograph, not a grieving relative. I consider that a strength and a necessary asset, given my professional duty: to introduce you all to the victim as best I can, not myself. But today, I saw her when I saw you. I apologize if that makes you uncomfortable. But know that I'm grateful.
* * *
May she rest in peace. May her family and friends rest a bit easier now that there is, at least, one less question.
* * *
http://kvia.com/Global/story.asp?S=6464820&nav=menu193_6
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