New Life's Resolution

It's time to let go the Ego.


I define "ego" as the inner drive to achieve more, have more, be the right one, earn recognition and apprecation... the drive that this society tries to enstill in every one of us. Except for the Enlighted, we all have it. It is the source of our fears, our insecurities, the muse of our desperate acts.

I used to think Ego would drive me to success. Anyone who knew me in high school knows I bought this idea hook, line and sinker. Despite my lasting friendships, I often isolated myself. I relied on no one but me to complete tasks. I pushed myself to achieve awards, positions, grades for the sole reason of proving to myself that I could.

My intentions were good: I was building my confidence, sharpening my skills and improving my enduration by putting myself through insane amounts of stress. (My doctor says I likely began developing diabetes my latter half of high school. I'm not surprised.)

Last month, I hit a mental ceiling. Physically isolated for 18 months, out of love and well-adjusted to my new lifestyle, Ego stopped inspiring me. I felt like I was creating and achieving less and less by the week. I needed to change my channel.

Mom prescribed "The Power of Intention," by Dr. Wayne Dyer.

Dyer proposes that Ego is an obstacle to happiness and creation, rather than a tool. This was a tough pill to swallow. But like the beaten-yet-loyal spouse who's told divorce is the only path to betterment... I realized Ego's taken me as far as it can.

Now, I solely focus on spreading positive energy and simultaneously attracting more positive energy to me. I don't need people to be happy with me. I want them to be happy. If you want a room to be brighter, you don't stand in the middle of the room praying for light and feeling less deserving when it doesn't appear. You flip the switch. And there is light.

Divorcing ego is an ongoing, but fun and enlightening process. I see all my thoughts and actions through this new prism. Last night, I got into another shouting match defending the media with my political friends. I should have just let them bitch; all they wanted to do was be heard and be right. I could have changed their minds in a discussion... but that wasn't a discussion, it was them venting. Next time, I'll spot it sooner and recuse myself because such an environment generates lower, negative energy that affects everyone and leaves no one happier. (One of them is probably reading this... I had a lot of fun, even moreso because it served as an important lesson).

In the shower this morning, I sang "Hands Down" by Dashboard... a song I've dedicated to someone I met right before graduating college. For an entire year, I hoped we'd be back in the same place and dating. I used to feel that hope helped me through my first months out west, a feeling of purpose- direction.
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"my heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury or wear as jewelry, whichever you prefer"
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I laughed after I sang that, realizing for the first time how desperate my feelings were and how illogical it is to hinge happiness on someone else's decision.

It's not just letting go of these negative, restrictive feelings. It's replacing them with an Intention to visualize what we wish to create in our lives. What job do you want, where do you want to live, what type of people do you wish to share your life with. Don't wait for them to appear. Be positive and you will attract positivity and ultimately... you create what you Intend. It's all right in front of you.



"If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change."
-Dr. Wayne Dyer

This Is What I [Did]

"Shattering the Quiet"
Susannah Meadows, for Newsweek 1/1/07


"I was one of the reporters who converged on the peaceful Pennsylvania
countryside after the shooting of 10 Amish girls. When there's a
tragedy, journalists struggle to report what happened while still
respecting the feelings of a grieving family. But as a hundred news
trucks choked the small roads, the contest between public interest and
privacy was thrown into high relief.

"The Amish boarded up the schoolhouse windows to keep our greedy eyes
from the space where their children had been lost. Reporters from
across the nation stood in a row for their stand-ups with the school
behind them, providing a nice backdrop for the evening news.

"The Amish desire to live simply, apart from modern society, has always
had real integrity. It's not as if they courted media attention and
then complained, like Tom and Katie, when the scrutiny got to be too
much. They build the windows in their schools high enough to keep
tourists from taking pictures. So throughout that week, I had to fight
an unfamiliar instinct for a reporter: to leave these people alone. I
settled on a method of going through a third person - a volunteer who
worked with Amish people at the local fire station, for example - to
see if any Amish wanted to talk (an approach that is usually more
effective anyway).

"I heard that one reporter walked into a house while an Amish family
was eating dinner. As revolted as I was by such a tactic, I wondered
if perhaps she was a better journalist than I, willing to do anything
to break news."

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Comments welcome.

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