Jayme, Party of One

I am amused by man's inability to look inward. (I'm including both sexes, trust me)

It seems too often that when relations break down with a member of the opposite sex, we blame the gender as a whole and not ask ourselves if there's anything we could have done better. We just decide to be upset with everyone else. We make hyperbolic declarations like: "Men are deaf, horny pigs. Fuck 'em," "All women are possessive, clingy and generally insane. Fuck 'em." And my personal favorite: "Last night when I arrived home from work, I had lofty hope that perhaps there are good men that exist. Ones that you can trust and truly care about you as a person. As of this morning, I am convinced this is not the case."

That last one was written about me by one who will respectfully remain nameless.

I hold no grudge. I still think she's a very sweet girl. I won't even defend myself. And therein lies the point.

We need to defend ourselves less. We're so quick to convict the other of being "evil" when all (s)he is guilty of is wanting something different than you. Granted, people sometimes lie. You can be genuinely deceived by "dicks/bitches" into thinking you're getting something they're not giving. But I believe more often, it's nothing more than miscommunication: two people expecting two different things, seeing two different relationships. Sure, you feel deceived. But so, likely, does the other. So how do you avoid similar miscommunications in the future?

a) Impose sanctions on the opposite sex and warn all your friends it is purely evil.
b) Join forces with friends who have imposed such sanctions so you still feel wanted by others.
c) Be more forthcoming with future "interests" so you can weed out those who would compromise your "dating" principles and spend more time with more compatable partners.

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Some of you may be thinking I should follow my own advice. But I'm not angry. This advice is for people who storm out of mutually-failed relationships but left their share of the fault by the door. I shrug my shoulders, tally the good times and move on. Does that make me heartless? I guess that's debatable. Does it make me happy? Definitely.

Granted, keep your standards up. Ask yourself what others should do for you. But it doesn't hurt to ask what you can do for others. And the number one thing that can save you future heartbreak is a little more upfront communication.

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Comments welcome, as always.