It's time to let go the Ego.
I define "ego" as the inner drive to achieve more, have more, be the right one, earn recognition and apprecation... the drive that this society tries to enstill in every one of us. Except for the Enlighted, we all have it. It is the source of our fears, our insecurities, the muse of our desperate acts.
I used to think Ego would drive me to success. Anyone who knew me in high school knows I bought this idea hook, line and sinker. Despite my lasting friendships, I often isolated myself. I relied on no one but me to complete tasks. I pushed myself to achieve awards, positions, grades for the sole reason of proving to myself that I could.
My intentions were good: I was building my confidence, sharpening my skills and improving my enduration by putting myself through insane amounts of stress. (My doctor says I likely began developing diabetes my latter half of high school. I'm not surprised.)
Last month, I hit a mental ceiling. Physically isolated for 18 months, out of love and well-adjusted to my new lifestyle, Ego stopped inspiring me. I felt like I was creating and achieving less and less by the week. I needed to change my channel.
Mom prescribed "The Power of Intention," by Dr. Wayne Dyer.
Dyer proposes that Ego is an obstacle to happiness and creation, rather than a tool. This was a tough pill to swallow. But like the beaten-yet-loyal spouse who's told divorce is the only path to betterment... I realized Ego's taken me as far as it can.
Now, I solely focus on spreading positive energy and simultaneously attracting more positive energy to me. I don't need people to be happy with me. I want them to be happy. If you want a room to be brighter, you don't stand in the middle of the room praying for light and feeling less deserving when it doesn't appear. You flip the switch. And there is light.
Divorcing ego is an ongoing, but fun and enlightening process. I see all my thoughts and actions through this new prism. Last night, I got into another shouting match defending the media with my political friends. I should have just let them bitch; all they wanted to do was be heard and be right. I could have changed their minds in a discussion... but that wasn't a discussion, it was them venting. Next time, I'll spot it sooner and recuse myself because such an environment generates lower, negative energy that affects everyone and leaves no one happier. (One of them is probably reading this... I had a lot of fun, even moreso because it served as an important lesson).
In the shower this morning, I sang "Hands Down" by Dashboard... a song I've dedicated to someone I met right before graduating college. For an entire year, I hoped we'd be back in the same place and dating. I used to feel that hope helped me through my first months out west, a feeling of purpose- direction.
***
"my heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury or wear as jewelry, whichever you prefer"
***
I laughed after I sang that, realizing for the first time how desperate my feelings were and how illogical it is to hinge happiness on someone else's decision.
It's not just letting go of these negative, restrictive feelings. It's replacing them with an Intention to visualize what we wish to create in our lives. What job do you want, where do you want to live, what type of people do you wish to share your life with. Don't wait for them to appear. Be positive and you will attract positivity and ultimately... you create what you Intend. It's all right in front of you.
"If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change."
-Dr. Wayne Dyer
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Tuesday, January 9, 2007
This Is What I [Did]
"Shattering the Quiet"
Susannah Meadows, for Newsweek 1/1/07
"I was one of the reporters who converged on the peaceful Pennsylvania
countryside after the shooting of 10 Amish girls. When there's a
tragedy, journalists struggle to report what happened while still
respecting the feelings of a grieving family. But as a hundred news
trucks choked the small roads, the contest between public interest and
privacy was thrown into high relief.
"The Amish boarded up the schoolhouse windows to keep our greedy eyes
from the space where their children had been lost. Reporters from
across the nation stood in a row for their stand-ups with the school
behind them, providing a nice backdrop for the evening news.
"The Amish desire to live simply, apart from modern society, has always
had real integrity. It's not as if they courted media attention and
then complained, like Tom and Katie, when the scrutiny got to be too
much. They build the windows in their schools high enough to keep
tourists from taking pictures. So throughout that week, I had to fight
an unfamiliar instinct for a reporter: to leave these people alone. I
settled on a method of going through a third person - a volunteer who
worked with Amish people at the local fire station, for example - to
see if any Amish wanted to talk (an approach that is usually more
effective anyway).
"I heard that one reporter walked into a house while an Amish family
was eating dinner. As revolted as I was by such a tactic, I wondered
if perhaps she was a better journalist than I, willing to do anything
to break news."
* * * * * * * * * * *
Comments welcome.
-30-
Susannah Meadows, for Newsweek 1/1/07
"I was one of the reporters who converged on the peaceful Pennsylvania
countryside after the shooting of 10 Amish girls. When there's a
tragedy, journalists struggle to report what happened while still
respecting the feelings of a grieving family. But as a hundred news
trucks choked the small roads, the contest between public interest and
privacy was thrown into high relief.
"The Amish boarded up the schoolhouse windows to keep our greedy eyes
from the space where their children had been lost. Reporters from
across the nation stood in a row for their stand-ups with the school
behind them, providing a nice backdrop for the evening news.
"The Amish desire to live simply, apart from modern society, has always
had real integrity. It's not as if they courted media attention and
then complained, like Tom and Katie, when the scrutiny got to be too
much. They build the windows in their schools high enough to keep
tourists from taking pictures. So throughout that week, I had to fight
an unfamiliar instinct for a reporter: to leave these people alone. I
settled on a method of going through a third person - a volunteer who
worked with Amish people at the local fire station, for example - to
see if any Amish wanted to talk (an approach that is usually more
effective anyway).
"I heard that one reporter walked into a house while an Amish family
was eating dinner. As revolted as I was by such a tactic, I wondered
if perhaps she was a better journalist than I, willing to do anything
to break news."
* * * * * * * * * * *
Comments welcome.
-30-
Friday, December 29, 2006
2006
A look back at my 24th year as Jayme:
1/1/06, 12:00 a.m. - I toast my Sammy Winter Lager to Dick Clark, hit
the lights and head to bed. I have to work in 7 hours. If I cut a 2006
album, this image would make a fitting cover.
1/12 - WOMAN FOUND DEAD IN LAS CRUCES HOME, SUSPECT/HUSBAND ON THE
LOOSE (CAUGHT JUNE 12TH IN MEXICO)
1/14-18 - My first trip to Mass. since my job started 7 months before.
My Boston endocronologist teaches me everything I need to know about
my disease. My 2-month hiatus from alcohol ends.
1/19-22 - My first trip back to 'Cuse. It was amazing to see everyone.
But most importantly, it put my soul to rest learning that 4 years
was, indeed, enough. Also, my best friend's father died. I'm glad I
could be there, for what it's worth.
mid/Feb - I start dating again. It's been more than a year. It's
priceless, knowing the person you're thinking about is thinking about
you. This will only last til May, but it's just enough to get me by.
Thank you. Very much.
3/27 - LAS CRUCES MOTHER/DAUGHTER STABBED IN HOME, OTHER DAUGHTER,
STAR HIGH SCHOOL B-BALL PLAYER ARRESTED
Mar/Apr - NATIONAL PROTESTS OVER IMMIGRATION PROPOSAL SPREADS TO LAS
CRUCES HIGH SCHOOLS, CITY HALL
4/25 - PUBLIC MONEY FOR "CAMPAIGN" PENCILS PUTS DONA ANA COUNTY
TREASURER IN HOT WATER
4/30 - Find out my apartment manager is not renewing my lease. This
stems from a story I did involving one of his other properties in Dec.
05. Journalism students: read those 2 sentences again. You've been
warned. If I'm going to move, I'm not renting again. The market here
is too green. House-hunting starts.
5/29 - My anchor debut on Memorial Day. It was fun, especially working
with Amber. If you know her and don't absolutely adore her, you're
incorrect. Sorry.
6/2 - DR. SONIA DIAZ NAMED LAS CRUCES SCHOOL SUPERINTENDENT
mid/June - My father and I have a phone talk about death. It's the
first time I cry with him in the 2 years he's been diagnosed.
6/26 - 150-YEAR FLOOD SLAMS ALAMOGORDO
6/30/06 - I close on my condo. Move out of my apartment. I have 2
mortgages. I've been up since 2 a.m. cleaning out the shitbox and
getting the last of the boxes in. I'm woken up at 8:30 a.m. by the
bed-delivery guys knocking on the door. I fell asleep in front of the
door. I spend the rest of the day building all my furniture. Looking
back, this was my greatest and proudest day this year.
7/3 - WARPED TOUR '06 IN LAS CRUCES. I crowdsurfed for the camera.
Shameless? Debatable. But some things you only get to do once in life.
If they don't hurt anyone... do them.
7/6-15 - Mommy comes!!! And helps me decorate.
June-August - Weekends at Elephant Butte Lake w/ Andrew, Eileen and
the gang. Frisbee, driving the speedboat and sleeping under the stars.
These trips replaced the weekends I spent "dating" and are equally
appreciated.
8/1 - STORM 2006 SLAMS EL PASO, SOUTH DONA ANA COUNTY
Aug - Mom and Dad have a plan!! This doctor up in Maine performs
stem-cell transplants that give patients a new immune system and
hopefully a new lease on life. Of course, insurance doesn't cover it.
We could fundraise, perhaps... but that's a lot of money to raise so
quickly...
8/15 - HATCH FLOODED
8/20 - nearly bitten by a rattlesnake. moving on...
8/24 - PLUTO DEMOTED TO "DWARF PLANET." ANNOUNCEMENT MOURNED BY LAS
CRUCES, HOMETOWN OF PLUTO'S DISCOVERER CLYDE W. TOMBAUGH
8/28 - LAS CRUCES TO BUILD DOWNTOWN AQUATIC/SPORTS COMPLEX
9/1-8 - First trip east since January. My cousins get married in NJ. I
haven't seen Dad's side in two years. Phenomenal reunion! Back in MA,
I spend a whole day bummin' around Boston and a whole evening hoisting
with a dozen high school and college friends. Looking back, this was
the night I felt the richest all year. And Jim, why'd you have to be
such a dick to that waitress? Equally incredible, Oreo-Nintendo Night
in Waltham with Emmy. Priceless.
9/13 - HAIL STORM HITS CRUCES, POSSIBLE TORNADO TOUCHDOWN WEST OF THE
CITY (riding into that is the only time I've ever felt legitimately
scared on the job... happy f***in birthday)
9/18-22 - EXTORTIONIST THREATENS TO SHOOT RANDOM LAS CRUCENS IF CITY
DOESN'T PAY AN UNTOLD RANSOM
9/25/06 - "Dear Friends," We go public with Dad's disease. The
Fundraiser begins.
Shortly after 9/25: met kasf. again. for the first time.
9/25 - FIRST ROCKET LAUNCH FROM SPACEPORT AMERICA, UPHAM NM.
10/1 - Jason adopts me as his little brother via myspace. Until now, I
don't think he had any clue how much that means to me. p.s. I now have
two non-blood big brothers with the last name Gib(b)s. Go figure.
10/5-9 - 'Cuse Homecoming '06! I was introduced to the greatest
drinking game of all-time (except for "drink the beer," beautiful in
its simplicity)... TAP OUT. Naturally, I won my first game. My victory
was promptly challenged after I tested positive for 2 sugar packs and
a candy bar. Don't worry, Mom. I was FINE. By the way, my facebook
picture was taken that night... that's my friends "reachin out,
touching me, touching Jews" during Sweet Caroline. It was also great
to dance in Darwins, bitch at the football game, and win beer pong
with BH on our first throw. You read that right. I also popped in my
fraternity's Chapter meeting. I didn't think I'd go back in that room
(and no, I passed It). But it's awesome to know there's a place that
will welcome me the rest of my life even though I may not have ever
met a single person inside. May you all experience what that room has
done for me.
10/14-15 - Andrew, Eileen and I roadtrip to Los Angeles. Stayed
downtown, toured Hollywood. I walked in the Pacific, achieving my
Manifest Destiny. Save for family, Andrew, you are my 2006 MVP.
10/17 - I INTERVIEW BUZZ ALDRIN, KEYNOTE SPEAKER AT X-PRIZE SYMPOSIUM
10/20 - DMB & the Rolling Stones at UTEP's Sun Bowl Stadium with Ezra.
2nd best concert I've ever been to (1st, Guster & Folds, Boston
Pavilion w/ Mrs. Mertz.)
11/1 - INELIGIBLE PLAYER KNOCKS LAS CRUCES HIGH OUT OF STATE PLAYOFFS
11/20 - DR. SONIA DIAZ FIRED FROM LCPS SUPERINTENDENT POST
Nov - Dad's Cause has raised $185,000. We'd aimed for $140K.
Contributions poured in from family, friends, loose acquiantances and
people we will probably never meet. We're donating excess funds to the
next family who needs to raise money for a transplant thru the NFT. So
ALL our donors have helped someone you'll never know. And they will
never know you helped. In Judaism, we refer to that as the highest,
most honorable rung on the ladder of Tzedakah (Charity).
12/5/06 - A handshake.
12/22 - KATIE SEPICH'S KILLER CAUGHT, SHERIFF SAYS (for my Masshole
friends, this cold case was the Molly Bish of Southern New Mexico)
12/28 - DAD STARTS HIS TRANSPLANT!!! (scheduled through February)
12/31 - Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.
* * * * *
'06 TOP THREES
Hang outs: BBK, The 915, My Brothers Place (all places I can play pool)
Songs: Move Along, Alone, Hips Dont Lie
Drinks: Jack & Diet Coke, Dos Equis, Pepsi Jazz (if you haven't tried Jazz, you're un-American)
Movies: Pirates 2, Borat, All the Kings Men (I haven't seen The Departed yet)
TV Shows: Saved, Heroes, Studio 60
Sports Memories: Vince Young's Rose Bowl, Colts Miss FG v. Pitt, World
Cup Headbutt
Stupidest Moments (me): Driving into a hailstorm, that 2nd game of
TapOut, mucking a busted straight before realizing I rivered the
flush... tell me SOMEONE else has done that?
Stupidest Moments (everyone else): Shooting a friend in the face,
telling the world how you would have killed your wife, accidentally
calling U.S. soldiers retarded. (Wow, I feel better about mucking that
flush already).
Message from 2006: (from my 9/30 blog)
D on't burn bridges.
(You never know when you're going to need someone... and you certainly
never know when you're going to need EVERYONE.)
Love you all,
Jayme
-30-
1/1/06, 12:00 a.m. - I toast my Sammy Winter Lager to Dick Clark, hit
the lights and head to bed. I have to work in 7 hours. If I cut a 2006
album, this image would make a fitting cover.
1/12 - WOMAN FOUND DEAD IN LAS CRUCES HOME, SUSPECT/HUSBAND ON THE
LOOSE (CAUGHT JUNE 12TH IN MEXICO)
1/14-18 - My first trip to Mass. since my job started 7 months before.
My Boston endocronologist teaches me everything I need to know about
my disease. My 2-month hiatus from alcohol ends.
1/19-22 - My first trip back to 'Cuse. It was amazing to see everyone.
But most importantly, it put my soul to rest learning that 4 years
was, indeed, enough. Also, my best friend's father died. I'm glad I
could be there, for what it's worth.
mid/Feb - I start dating again. It's been more than a year. It's
priceless, knowing the person you're thinking about is thinking about
you. This will only last til May, but it's just enough to get me by.
Thank you. Very much.
3/27 - LAS CRUCES MOTHER/DAUGHTER STABBED IN HOME, OTHER DAUGHTER,
STAR HIGH SCHOOL B-BALL PLAYER ARRESTED
Mar/Apr - NATIONAL PROTESTS OVER IMMIGRATION PROPOSAL SPREADS TO LAS
CRUCES HIGH SCHOOLS, CITY HALL
4/25 - PUBLIC MONEY FOR "CAMPAIGN" PENCILS PUTS DONA ANA COUNTY
TREASURER IN HOT WATER
4/30 - Find out my apartment manager is not renewing my lease. This
stems from a story I did involving one of his other properties in Dec.
05. Journalism students: read those 2 sentences again. You've been
warned. If I'm going to move, I'm not renting again. The market here
is too green. House-hunting starts.
5/29 - My anchor debut on Memorial Day. It was fun, especially working
with Amber. If you know her and don't absolutely adore her, you're
incorrect. Sorry.
6/2 - DR. SONIA DIAZ NAMED LAS CRUCES SCHOOL SUPERINTENDENT
mid/June - My father and I have a phone talk about death. It's the
first time I cry with him in the 2 years he's been diagnosed.
6/26 - 150-YEAR FLOOD SLAMS ALAMOGORDO
6/30/06 - I close on my condo. Move out of my apartment. I have 2
mortgages. I've been up since 2 a.m. cleaning out the shitbox and
getting the last of the boxes in. I'm woken up at 8:30 a.m. by the
bed-delivery guys knocking on the door. I fell asleep in front of the
door. I spend the rest of the day building all my furniture. Looking
back, this was my greatest and proudest day this year.
7/3 - WARPED TOUR '06 IN LAS CRUCES. I crowdsurfed for the camera.
Shameless? Debatable. But some things you only get to do once in life.
If they don't hurt anyone... do them.
7/6-15 - Mommy comes!!! And helps me decorate.
June-August - Weekends at Elephant Butte Lake w/ Andrew, Eileen and
the gang. Frisbee, driving the speedboat and sleeping under the stars.
These trips replaced the weekends I spent "dating" and are equally
appreciated.
8/1 - STORM 2006 SLAMS EL PASO, SOUTH DONA ANA COUNTY
Aug - Mom and Dad have a plan!! This doctor up in Maine performs
stem-cell transplants that give patients a new immune system and
hopefully a new lease on life. Of course, insurance doesn't cover it.
We could fundraise, perhaps... but that's a lot of money to raise so
quickly...
8/15 - HATCH FLOODED
8/20 - nearly bitten by a rattlesnake. moving on...
8/24 - PLUTO DEMOTED TO "DWARF PLANET." ANNOUNCEMENT MOURNED BY LAS
CRUCES, HOMETOWN OF PLUTO'S DISCOVERER CLYDE W. TOMBAUGH
8/28 - LAS CRUCES TO BUILD DOWNTOWN AQUATIC/SPORTS COMPLEX
9/1-8 - First trip east since January. My cousins get married in NJ. I
haven't seen Dad's side in two years. Phenomenal reunion! Back in MA,
I spend a whole day bummin' around Boston and a whole evening hoisting
with a dozen high school and college friends. Looking back, this was
the night I felt the richest all year. And Jim, why'd you have to be
such a dick to that waitress? Equally incredible, Oreo-Nintendo Night
in Waltham with Emmy. Priceless.
9/13 - HAIL STORM HITS CRUCES, POSSIBLE TORNADO TOUCHDOWN WEST OF THE
CITY (riding into that is the only time I've ever felt legitimately
scared on the job... happy f***in birthday)
9/18-22 - EXTORTIONIST THREATENS TO SHOOT RANDOM LAS CRUCENS IF CITY
DOESN'T PAY AN UNTOLD RANSOM
9/25/06 - "Dear Friends," We go public with Dad's disease. The
Fundraiser begins.
Shortly after 9/25: met kasf. again. for the first time.
9/25 - FIRST ROCKET LAUNCH FROM SPACEPORT AMERICA, UPHAM NM.
10/1 - Jason adopts me as his little brother via myspace. Until now, I
don't think he had any clue how much that means to me. p.s. I now have
two non-blood big brothers with the last name Gib(b)s. Go figure.
10/5-9 - 'Cuse Homecoming '06! I was introduced to the greatest
drinking game of all-time (except for "drink the beer," beautiful in
its simplicity)... TAP OUT. Naturally, I won my first game. My victory
was promptly challenged after I tested positive for 2 sugar packs and
a candy bar. Don't worry, Mom. I was FINE. By the way, my facebook
picture was taken that night... that's my friends "reachin out,
touching me, touching Jews" during Sweet Caroline. It was also great
to dance in Darwins, bitch at the football game, and win beer pong
with BH on our first throw. You read that right. I also popped in my
fraternity's Chapter meeting. I didn't think I'd go back in that room
(and no, I passed It). But it's awesome to know there's a place that
will welcome me the rest of my life even though I may not have ever
met a single person inside. May you all experience what that room has
done for me.
10/14-15 - Andrew, Eileen and I roadtrip to Los Angeles. Stayed
downtown, toured Hollywood. I walked in the Pacific, achieving my
Manifest Destiny. Save for family, Andrew, you are my 2006 MVP.
10/17 - I INTERVIEW BUZZ ALDRIN, KEYNOTE SPEAKER AT X-PRIZE SYMPOSIUM
10/20 - DMB & the Rolling Stones at UTEP's Sun Bowl Stadium with Ezra.
2nd best concert I've ever been to (1st, Guster & Folds, Boston
Pavilion w/ Mrs. Mertz.)
11/1 - INELIGIBLE PLAYER KNOCKS LAS CRUCES HIGH OUT OF STATE PLAYOFFS
11/20 - DR. SONIA DIAZ FIRED FROM LCPS SUPERINTENDENT POST
Nov - Dad's Cause has raised $185,000. We'd aimed for $140K.
Contributions poured in from family, friends, loose acquiantances and
people we will probably never meet. We're donating excess funds to the
next family who needs to raise money for a transplant thru the NFT. So
ALL our donors have helped someone you'll never know. And they will
never know you helped. In Judaism, we refer to that as the highest,
most honorable rung on the ladder of Tzedakah (Charity).
12/5/06 - A handshake.
12/22 - KATIE SEPICH'S KILLER CAUGHT, SHERIFF SAYS (for my Masshole
friends, this cold case was the Molly Bish of Southern New Mexico)
12/28 - DAD STARTS HIS TRANSPLANT!!! (scheduled through February)
12/31 - Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.
* * * * *
'06 TOP THREES
Hang outs: BBK, The 915, My Brothers Place (all places I can play pool)
Songs: Move Along, Alone, Hips Dont Lie
Drinks: Jack & Diet Coke, Dos Equis, Pepsi Jazz (if you haven't tried Jazz, you're un-American)
Movies: Pirates 2, Borat, All the Kings Men (I haven't seen The Departed yet)
TV Shows: Saved, Heroes, Studio 60
Sports Memories: Vince Young's Rose Bowl, Colts Miss FG v. Pitt, World
Cup Headbutt
Stupidest Moments (me): Driving into a hailstorm, that 2nd game of
TapOut, mucking a busted straight before realizing I rivered the
flush... tell me SOMEONE else has done that?
Stupidest Moments (everyone else): Shooting a friend in the face,
telling the world how you would have killed your wife, accidentally
calling U.S. soldiers retarded. (Wow, I feel better about mucking that
flush already).
Message from 2006: (from my 9/30 blog)
D on't burn bridges.
(You never know when you're going to need someone... and you certainly
never know when you're going to need EVERYONE.)
Love you all,
Jayme
-30-
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Jayme, Party of One
I am amused by man's inability to look inward. (I'm including both sexes, trust me)
It seems too often that when relations break down with a member of the opposite sex, we blame the gender as a whole and not ask ourselves if there's anything we could have done better. We just decide to be upset with everyone else. We make hyperbolic declarations like: "Men are deaf, horny pigs. Fuck 'em," "All women are possessive, clingy and generally insane. Fuck 'em." And my personal favorite: "Last night when I arrived home from work, I had lofty hope that perhaps there are good men that exist. Ones that you can trust and truly care about you as a person. As of this morning, I am convinced this is not the case."
That last one was written about me by one who will respectfully remain nameless.
I hold no grudge. I still think she's a very sweet girl. I won't even defend myself. And therein lies the point.
We need to defend ourselves less. We're so quick to convict the other of being "evil" when all (s)he is guilty of is wanting something different than you. Granted, people sometimes lie. You can be genuinely deceived by "dicks/bitches" into thinking you're getting something they're not giving. But I believe more often, it's nothing more than miscommunication: two people expecting two different things, seeing two different relationships. Sure, you feel deceived. But so, likely, does the other. So how do you avoid similar miscommunications in the future?
a) Impose sanctions on the opposite sex and warn all your friends it is purely evil.
b) Join forces with friends who have imposed such sanctions so you still feel wanted by others.
c) Be more forthcoming with future "interests" so you can weed out those who would compromise your "dating" principles and spend more time with more compatable partners.
* * * * *
Some of you may be thinking I should follow my own advice. But I'm not angry. This advice is for people who storm out of mutually-failed relationships but left their share of the fault by the door. I shrug my shoulders, tally the good times and move on. Does that make me heartless? I guess that's debatable. Does it make me happy? Definitely.
Granted, keep your standards up. Ask yourself what others should do for you. But it doesn't hurt to ask what you can do for others. And the number one thing that can save you future heartbreak is a little more upfront communication.
* * * * *
Comments welcome, as always.
It seems too often that when relations break down with a member of the opposite sex, we blame the gender as a whole and not ask ourselves if there's anything we could have done better. We just decide to be upset with everyone else. We make hyperbolic declarations like: "Men are deaf, horny pigs. Fuck 'em," "All women are possessive, clingy and generally insane. Fuck 'em." And my personal favorite: "Last night when I arrived home from work, I had lofty hope that perhaps there are good men that exist. Ones that you can trust and truly care about you as a person. As of this morning, I am convinced this is not the case."
That last one was written about me by one who will respectfully remain nameless.
I hold no grudge. I still think she's a very sweet girl. I won't even defend myself. And therein lies the point.
We need to defend ourselves less. We're so quick to convict the other of being "evil" when all (s)he is guilty of is wanting something different than you. Granted, people sometimes lie. You can be genuinely deceived by "dicks/bitches" into thinking you're getting something they're not giving. But I believe more often, it's nothing more than miscommunication: two people expecting two different things, seeing two different relationships. Sure, you feel deceived. But so, likely, does the other. So how do you avoid similar miscommunications in the future?
a) Impose sanctions on the opposite sex and warn all your friends it is purely evil.
b) Join forces with friends who have imposed such sanctions so you still feel wanted by others.
c) Be more forthcoming with future "interests" so you can weed out those who would compromise your "dating" principles and spend more time with more compatable partners.
* * * * *
Some of you may be thinking I should follow my own advice. But I'm not angry. This advice is for people who storm out of mutually-failed relationships but left their share of the fault by the door. I shrug my shoulders, tally the good times and move on. Does that make me heartless? I guess that's debatable. Does it make me happy? Definitely.
Granted, keep your standards up. Ask yourself what others should do for you. But it doesn't hurt to ask what you can do for others. And the number one thing that can save you future heartbreak is a little more upfront communication.
* * * * *
Comments welcome, as always.
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